Quote from Jucabro >>

Quote from HelloImL>>

 It isn't, you're right. I believe you shouldn't pander to conforming, I piss people off daily, because I'm surrounded by highly bigoted Christians and refuse to conform to them. I believe that you're a good person capable of change and that you don't have to change who you are, but tone down the jokes and offensive things, do try to find people who will be okay with these jokes and use that as an outlet, but also remember that if you know the people who are or may be more easily offended try to be less offensive. It's impossible to appease everyone, but just be careful. Thank you for seeking a kind of help by the way, good job.  

Also, thanks for being so kind, I think that's really cool, especially since I'm kind of giving critical criticism.

My pleasure.  I know it's not easy, but I'm hoping I'll find someone who can share something of my sense of humor, as dark as it is.  If there isn't anyone here, then I'll just have to try elsewhere.  I just wish I knew where else to look... well, I'll find out when I get to that bridge I suppose.  I considered your criticism to be quite constructive!  :)

 

 To be honest I like offensive jokes and dark humor, PM me if you ever think of any good jokes

 Unlike others, I have no intention of sugar-coating my response. 

Your post is one of contradiction.  You admit you are in the wrong; you call yourself a "social mess", "crass", call a reversion to your problematic behavior "self-destructing."  You are so guilty about your behavior, you made an alternate account just to post this, though I suspect you are a long-time poster--real new users would have gone to General, and received a much more chilly response from that more mature section of this site.  Yet, despite knowing you are on the wrong side of history, you are begging, pleading, hoping to find others like you.  Hoping you can ignore the fact the world is rightfully leaving people like you behind.  Hoping you can find others who are unwilling to change, since hiding your head in the sand is always easier than self-reflection.

Much like your post, you stand at a crossroads.  You have the chance to decide how you will move forward. So, the question you have to ask yourself--who do you want to be?

Your first choice is to admit what you already subconsciously know--that you are the problem--and change.  You can do this--the fact that you feel guilt; the fact you subconsciously recognize you are in the wrong is a good sign.  That means you have a small spark, a small ability to recognize right from wrong.  As long as you have that spark, you can fan it.  Even on this thread, you have exhibited a willingness to fan the small spark of tolerance within you--you have listened to what others have to say and have exhibited a willingness to try and change behavior when folks have pointed out "hey, that language is problematic and here is why."

If you want to take this path, you should just be open and honest with your playgroup.  You can always tell a new group "listen, I come from a very different era of D&D--the era where this game was still very much under the shadow of outspoken bigot Gary Gygax.  I am trying to change; trying to step out of that shadow, and, while I am not there yet, I want to learn.  I hope I do not offend anyone, but, if I do, I would love to talk about it so you can show me where I went wrong, so I do not make that mistake again.

Or you could find those who want to remain in the shadow of the past--there are plenty of them and they are not hard to find if you know where to look.  This is not the right path; but it is the easier one to walk, for someone not brave enough to turn to the light. 

Quote from 10_30inDutch >>

It's honestly great that everyone here has been so honest and civil. Not many places on the Internet could this happen without turning into a firestorm

 That's something else I'm extremely grateful for!  I was worried at first that this would kinda go down like it did with Reddit.  You would not believe some of the things they came up with! I was even kicked from that group for "initiating controversy". Hahah  I'm sure there's other spots in Reddit I could try, but I think I'll take a break from that site for a while longer before I try again. 

Step one is finding the problem, step two is washing it out. Be less crass. You can have your opinions, but not everyone else needs to made aware of them.

Quote from Caerwyn_Glyndwr >>

 Unlike others, I have no intention of sugar-coating my response. 

Your post is one of contradiction.  You admit you are in the wrong; you call yourself a "social mess", "crass", call a reversion to your problematic behavior "self-destructing."  You are so guilty about your behavior, you made an alternate account just to post this, though I suspect you are a long-time poster--real new users would have gone to General, and received a much more chilly response from that more mature section of this site.  Yet, despite knowing you are on the wrong side of history, you are begging, pleading, hoping to find others like you.  Hoping you can ignore the fact the world is rightfully leaving people like you behind.  Hoping you can find others who are unwilling to change, since hiding your head in the sand is always easier than self-reflection.

Much like your post, you stand at a crossroads.  You have the chance to decide how you will move forward. So, the question you have to ask yourself--who do you want to be?

Your first choice is to admit what you already subconsciously know--that you are the problem--and change.  You can do this--the fact that you feel guilt; the fact you subconsciously recognize you are in the wrong is a good sign.  That means you have a small spark, a small ability to recognize right from wrong.  As long as you have that spark, you can fan it.  Even on this thread, you have exhibited a willingness to fan the small spark of tolerance within you--you have listened to what others have to say and have exhibited a willingness to try and change behavior when folks have pointed out "hey, that language is problematic and here is why."

If you want to take this path, you should just be open and honest with your playgroup.  You can always tell a new group "listen, I come from a very different era of D&D--the era where this game was still very much under the shadow of outspoken bigot Gary Gygax.  I am trying to change; trying to step out of that shadow, and, while I am not there yet, I want to learn.  I hope I do not offend anyone, but, if I do, I would love to talk about it so you can show me where I went wrong, so I do not make that mistake again.

Or you could find those who want to remain in the shadow of the past--there are plenty of them and they are not hard to find if you know where to look.  This is not the right path; but it is the easier one to walk, for someone not brave enough to turn to the light. 

 

 Hello.

I am self-deprecating, yes.  I understand my viewpoints are archaic and rather hypocritical.  Possibly even "complex," one might say.  I don't know where you're getting this alternate account bit from, this truly is my first time in the forums.  I originally thought to post in general, sure, but I also read the tagline summaries of each forum and carefully chose to categorize this here (it made the most sense at the time).  It is certainly a difficult path, but most roads worth traveling oft are, are they not? :)

My choice is one of acceptance.  I accept that I cannot simply change who I am, because that's something I cherish about myself.  I accept that the world around me is changing and that I'm an artifact left behind.  I accept the consequences that comes with clinging to the remnants of what once was.  Despite all these things, I must find my tribe.  If the world is as big a place as people say it is, I know they're out there.  I want to believe.  I need to. 

And so it is.

There is no such thing as an artifact society leaves behind.  Every person has the capacity of change--history is full of examples of individuals with deep seeded beliefs recanting their vile past and becoming a force for good.  Folks who managed to put aside much, much worse things than the mere desire to make jokes that hurt others. Calling yourself an artifact is an excuse.  It is denying the reality that you have the capacity to change because the path of stagnation is far easier than that of self-betterment. 

Again, the choice is yours.  You can look for "your tribe" as you call it; you can look for the people who are too afraid to change.  They certainly exist in large numbers--the acolytes of Gygax the Bigot remain a powerful force in the D&D community. 

But you do not have to take the path of cowardice.  You have already shown on this thread you have the capacity to walk a different road.  As long as you ask questions and listen to the answers, instead of make excuses about how an "artifact" such as you cannot do something you clearly have the capacity for, you can walk a path which will open more doors to you.

I guess you can attempt to find a table that works for you, but I doubt that doing so will help you be able to be more accepting and able to have fun while controlling the things you spout of out of your mouth. And you aren't an artifact, but a human. You might need help for this, but arguing that you are incapable of change and you must give up and seek a refuge where you an nature your impulsiveness and inability to control what you say while enjoying yourself is merely a way of refusing to grow or leave the situation that you have stuck yourself in.

I agree with Caerwyn, you can change, but you must choose to do so. If you want to associate with people as yourself-a people that you admit are bad-it will be difficult, but you can do it, especially since you seek help here, I know that deep down you want to change, so embrace that good.

Remember that making insensitive jokes hurts others.

I used to know a really horrible person kinda like that. He made stupid jokes and was just a jerk in general, and he knew it. He liked to be mean and annoying, and even though he never hurt anyone physically, he damaged people emotionally and mentally all the time. I think he got better, and if he could change, you can as well. With the right people at least.

This isn't quite what I had in mind originally when I made this thread, but I'm reading your responses and I'm taking it in slowly.

I think my search on this site will stop here for now.  I still want to believe there are others who haven't changed, others who can accept me for who I am and not what they want me to be.  I've done enough changing before coming here.  I've tried and tried so many times, and every time it's been nothing but dissolved friendships and ruined campaigns-- not because I didn't change, but because I lived a social life of dishonesty and regret.  I had thought that by coming here there'd be a slim chance someone would really understand me; understand my personality.  But I was mistaken.  Not once did I run away, I headed the storm every time and fell.  And when I rose back up to seek people who would see eye-to-eye with me, instead I was shunned for wanting to stay who I am.  Scorned, ridiculed even.  You can call me whatever you want, but I am not a coward.  I cannot expect anyone to truly understand.  After all, you've all changed.  You can only offer changed perspectives.

I apologize for taking up your time.  I will not be coming back for a while.

I'm sorry I couldn't help, but at this point, you have done this to yourself. I still know you have it in you to be a better person. Farewell.

My entire work orbits the elderly, particularly my community outreach work. One thing that has always been true is that there are two groups in my work: those who choose to adapt to a changing world and those in the second group who end up alone and die that way. The second group has a lot less fun.

It is important to note too that social isolation is strongly linked to an increased risk for heart disease and stroke, type 2 diabetes, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, suicidality, dementia, and all-cause mortality. So there is really no upside to going it alone just to hang on to offensive behavior.