Appolgies if this is the wrong place for this. By the title, y'all know the topic. I'm dealing with my first character's perma-death. My pc and another pc (who wasn't at session) died in the battle with the BBEG. We had one scroll of revify granted to our cleric on a 10% chance during the battle. At the the end, by flipping a coin, the other pc was brought back. I was okay with this as its what my pc would have wanted. The dm revealed that one of the rewards for killing the BBEG was a scroll of revify. He had put it as loot before the fight. I had the chance to bring them back but, due to homebrew rules, had a choice to make. I wanted to play the character more, but knew the character would be conflicted on returning. So I left it to chance and the dice said he chose death. I have regretted it since. The way everyone in session cried and said goodbye made me reject an offer to work a new tale for my pc to come back. Yet I can't get excited about making a new pc for the continuation of the game after. Is this normal to feel? Should I just make the new pc and hope to get over the 1st? Should I have taken my DMs offer? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
*note: I'm also struggling with this, cause the other player, who's pc died, told us the reason they refused to play the final battle because they're quiting and said their pc needs to remain dead. All this was revealed the day after session. DM is said he won't do that as we all made the in game choice to bring them back. Had we known that they were leaving before I would have found a way to have my character accept life but struggle with that choice after the fact.
It's normal to feel those feelings on some level. I can't speak to the magnitude, too many unstated details and variables, although I'd state that it's largely irrelevant - you feel what you feel, and that's valid.
I'm not a big fan of death by dice. It's where the roleplaying aspect and the game aspect of D&D (and many TTRPGs) collide. You get people on side with either aspect - some who like the thrill and danger of not knowing if your character is about to die, others want meaningful stories for their investment into their characters.
Personally, as a DM, I'd allow a retcon in that situation. I think a game is to be enjoyed and so I will endeavour to deliver a fun series of events. If you'd enjoy playing your character further (especially if you're considering not playing at all otherwise) then I'd let it happen. Your DM seems to be of the opinion that dice and playing character choices are the gods and so what they say, goes. Your DM is the one that matters, not me, at their table.
Try another character instead. Or just add "the Second" to his name and play his son or her daughter, who has had a similar background. There are a lot of fun character.possobikities.in D&D.
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If you're not willing or able to to discuss in good faith, then don't be surprised if I don't respond, there are better things in life for me to do than humour you. This signature is that response.
It sucks, but you stayed true to how you view your character. As time moves on that'll be the part that resonates most. A good death.
As the DM I'd be down for a quest to bring the character back within the rules. There are many ways to get it done, so this could become a great story.
"He died well but deserved more. We shall appeal to the Gods for their mercy and endeavor to bring about his return."
It took me a couple months to fully get over my first PC death. Like you, I also had the choice to be revived and declined. Although I knew my character definitely wanted it that way, it didn't make her loss any easier. I told the DM I needed some time before jumping into a new character - fortunately, so did almost everyone else because we TPK'd. We were too deep into the module to start with fresh characters and have it feel organic, and we agreed that the story should end with the ones we lost. So after a couple weeks of hiatus, we rolled up new characters and began a new campaign.
I'm sorry that the situation you went through also included a quitting player. That...feels icky to me. But you're still at the table and they are gone. If revival is still on the table, it could be fun to roleplay a character who feels conflicted about being brought back. That'd be some rich character arc potential. Alternatively, you could give yourself a session or two of space and see how you feel about starting fresh then. You might find that with a little time to grieve, you're ready to dive in with something new.
Also bear in mind that the DM can bring your character back at any time. If they're willing to do it now, they might be willing to do it later if you really aren't enjoying the new character you roll up. Maybe talk to them about how you're feeling and see what they say.
1: Yes. The enemy attacked her and rolled a Crit with poison damage. Even if she succeeded a CON save she took enough damage for a insta-kill
2: Yes, whenever we miss a session the DM plays the pc to the best of his abilities to aid us in what we are doing. We were facing the BBEG to end the campaign and we tried to reschedule the session for the missing player. They were very insistent that we play without them and told the DM to play them. The DM had them helped us with spells and do damage to the BBEG.
3: No, the players all voted and had arguments for the cleric player, to help them decide who to revive. The cleric, who's god is the Goddess of Fate, decided to flip the coin to let his goddess determine who to revive.
4: Yes. My pc was saying his farewells to the void (he was a spirit), hoping that the party would hear. I watched at the DM and several other players mute themselves (playing via Discord) as they cried. When they responded to him rejecting death there was a lot of emotions in their voices. Its why I'm so hesitant to talk to my DM about brining him back. I feel doing so would be unaccepting of all their emotion's.
5: The player, the day after the session, kept pushing us to tell them what happened. We kept insisting they wait for the next session recap to learn what happened (a norm in our group). But they kept saying the had a "secret" to tell us. When they finally asked the DM, thats when they revealed they were quitting. They had been oddly distant and not as into the game the last few sessions so it all made sense when they finnally said "I'm quitting, my pc stays dead, goodbye"
I'm also a bit confused by this story. As I read it you had the chance to just ask for revival, but you chose to put it to a roll. Then later you were also given the offer to bring your character back another way, but again you chose not to.
This was not a die roll, this was your choice. And you made it at least twice. It's still appropriate to feel sad about it, but you made your choices for a reason. You need to either accept those reasons and feel good about them - after all, it sounds like you were trying to stay true to the character - or reevaluate those reasons and tell the DM you made a mistake. It sounds like pretty much everyone is willing to work with you to bring them back if that's what you truly want.
Missing a character when it's gone means you did it right. Happy emotions aren't the only important or meaningful ones - the ability to feel grief and loss through the game can be a great way to explore how to handle those emotions outside of "true" IRL catastrophe. It's one of the things that make D&D so powerful.
I'm also a bit confused by this story. As I read it you had the chance to just ask for revival, but you chose to put it to a roll. Then later you were also given the offer to bring your character back another way, but again you chose not to.
This was not a die roll, this was your choice. And you made it at least twice. It's still appropriate to feel sad about it, but you made your choices for a reason. You need to either accept those reasons and feel good about them - after all, it sounds like you were trying to stay true to the character - or reevaluate those reasons and tell the DM you made a mistake. It sounds like pretty much everyone is willing to work with you to bring them back if that's what you truly want.
Missing a character when it's gone means you did it right. Happy emotions aren't the only important or meaningful ones - the ability to feel grief and loss through the game can be a great way to explore how to handle those emotions outside of "true" IRL catastrophe. It's one of the things that make D&D so powerful.
The first chance at revival we had two dead pcs and were only aware of one scroll of revify. The party deliberated and voted who should come back. The cleric flipped the coin and said his goddess determined it was fate for the other pc to come back. When we learned about the other revify scroll I was conflicted at the time if my pc would want to come back. He was a soldier and his battle siblings didnt get the opportunity. Yet he also knew there were plenty out there that still needed his protection. My go to is rolling a die to see how he would decide when I struggle. I said evens he would accept life and odds he would choose death. I rolled a 1 on a D4.
Had we known the other player was quiting I would have made him choose life and rp his struggles with that. So that the party was only loosong the one pc after we leave the dungeon. This is where I'm struggling
Had we known the other player was quiting I would have made him choose life and rp his struggles with that. So that the party was only loosong the one pc after we leave the dungeon. This is where I'm struggling
I misread your initial post, but with this information and given the situation with the other player it's worth at least mentioning to your DM.
I get DMs wanting to let things stand, and if that is what yours decides then so be it. But open communication is always a good thing, and first PC deaths are hard. It isn't dismissing of their emotions to ask to revive your character after they said goodbye to him; on the contrary, their reactions to the death reveal that you had quite a beloved PC. They might want him back too.
Talk to your DM about it. Then you at least won't regret having kept quiet.
Had we known the other player was quiting I would have made him choose life and rp his struggles with that. So that the party was only loosong the one pc after we leave the dungeon. This is where I'm struggling
I misread your initial post, but with this information and given the situation with the other player it's worth at least mentioning to your DM.
I get DMs wanting to let things stand, and if that is what yours decides then so be it. But open communication is always a good thing, and first PC deaths are hard. It isn't dismissing of their emotions to ask to revive your character after they said goodbye to him; on the contrary, their reactions to the death reveal that you had quite a beloved PC. They might want him back too.
Talk to your DM about it. Then you at least won't regret having kept quiet.
I always find it fascinating to see advice like this, when at the same time, there are so many out there saying that no one has the right to dictate how other DM's run their tables. The DM for the OP has made a decision. Let it be.
First, I specifically said that if that is the DM's final decision, then it is what it is. But people change their minds all the time when new information presents itself, so assuming there is no room in a collaborative game for collaboration is imposing limits that don't necessarily exist in this situation. There's no harm in checking if it matters that much to OP, which it clearly does.
Second, what is of more importance to me is that the DM is aware of how their players are enjoying and reacting to the game. This is OP's first character death, which means the aftermath is new ground to cover. An invested DM would probably want insight into how the player is navigating this new ground, because that will affect their continued participation and enjoyment of the game. The DM will not know that OP is struggling with rolling up a new character unless that is communicated.
There are different ways and preferences in approaching character deaths, and not all are compatible at the same table. This is a valuable time for both the player and DM to identify what their respective preferences are and how they can work together. Neither of them needs to change, but just knowing what those expectations and desires are is helpful for the long term health of the campaign.
I'd agree with talking to the DM for sure, possibly even the whole group, if it so fits. To be clear, i would remind the DM that their decision is final and you'll abide whatever it is. With that in mind, present your feelings and thoughts on the situation being open to back and forth discussion. If the DM and you decide that bringing the character back is the best solution for the table as a whole, there are dozens of paths that could make that happen, it make sense and all fit in the campaign. Extra work for the DM, but if it were me as DM, I would gladly add a little extra effort to allow my players (note plural there, so ALL the players) to best enjoy the game.
I can use my own character as an example. He "died" early in the campaign. It wasn't a pointless death, it was the final huzzah of the sub boss we were fighting. I had already taken quite a few shots and the terrain prevented me from getting true cover from the effect, it was a BIG one, for our level and the resulting damage took me to 0 and the overdamage exceeded my base HP by 2. Dead dead. We used a scroll of Revivify to carry him back, a tool made available for us if we died and didn't want to or weren't ready. Then, I wanted it to happen, partly because I wanted him to live, but mostly because of WHO he was and HOW HE felt about his life, HE wanted to continue living, as he felt he had some larger destiny in store. Now, many levels farther, we are preparing to face another sub-boss, level appropriate (likely a little OP for us if patterns hold) but this time it is kind of my character's personal nemesis. If I die in this fight, and the little BBEG dies too, My character, I feel, wouldn't feel as strong a NEED to return to living. The point here is to consider the character's point of view and how they might feel about a possible return to life. Do they feel they have unfinished business or commitments? Was that fight, and the winning of that fight (by the others) the character's driving motivation and would they now like to move on, their objective complete, content that the task was done, even if at the cost of their life. These are big questions, I feel you should know the answers to before making a final decision on coming back or rolling a new character. If the only motivation for bringing them back is because you liked playing them, you may find you don't enjoy playing them as much after having fallen.
Being open about how major events in the campaign hit you is a good idea. If the DM knows certain things are going to cause some form of trauma, or crush the fun out of the campaign, they will be more aware of how to run different scenarios, working around things that cut deep and scraping only things that make us sad for a bit. This specific case sounds like it stung because of the unknown extra scroll complicating the issue. Had you guys looted before deciding to resurrect someone, you would have known there were 2 scrolls and none of this discussion would be taking place.
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Talk to your Players.Talk to your DM. If more people used this advice, there would be 24.74% fewer threads on Tactics, Rules and DM discussions.
In my opinion, only a serious ******* would leave a character dead if the player was losing the heart of the game.
Death happens. Noble sacrifice happens. These are key things, and should not be wasted -- so a return to life should be something that is equally important and noble.
Noble sacrifice is a whole thing for my players in my games because I have a whole deal about nobility of glory and the like in my head, so it is a pretty fancy way to go out in a blaze of glory.
I make folks work for resurrections, though. After all, that's why there is raise dead, resurrection, and reincarnation in the game. THey are all ways to intentionally, purposefully, and by design bring back dead characters -- and that's on top of the way that 5e is designed to make killing characters pretty darn hard to begin with.
THe emotions you feel are all real, all valid, and all very common. Even though everyone knew at the outset of the game and going into the final battle that most, if not all of the 30 some odd characters in the campaign would die, it still brought a lot of those feelings out at the end of the campaign, because they had all been played from 1st level up to 17 to 20 level over two years of sessions.
We were a weepy bunch the last few games, I'll tell ya.
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Grief is understandable when we lose something we care about. That is perfectly normal. I would sit with this a few days and see how you feel then once the wave of emotion has faded some. If you feel that you still want to play the character, I would talk to the DM about it. I would not retcon, because that would diminish the other player's experience, which seems to have been pretty powerful for them. Instead, I would see if the DM would be willing to find some other reason to bring the PC back to life. The DM is all-powerful. If you tell them how you feel even after some time has passed, I am sure they would be willing to find some way to work with you.
Yes, it’s normal. After getting to know you character so well for so long it’s normal to grieve for them when they die. But just like when it comes to grieving for the loss of someone IRL, it will get better. Maybe you should take a little time off from playing before creating your new character. Continue to attend your regular games, but as an observer/audience member instead of as an active player. In time you’ll get inspired and excited about a new character. Grieve, and then enjoy the game again.
Grief is understandable when we lose something we care about. That is perfectly normal. I would sit with this a few days and see how you feel then once the wave of emotion has faded some. If you feel that you still want to play the character, I would talk to the DM about it. I would not retcon, because that would diminish the other player's experience, which seems to have been pretty powerful for them. Instead, I would see if the DM would be willing to find some other reason to bring the PC back to life. The DM is all-powerful. If you tell them how you feel even after some time has passed, I am sure they would be willing to find some way to work with you.
The DM has made a decision. Is the DM not allowed to run the game the way he wants? Why continue to pester the DM after the decision has been made, and as have been clearly stated, it was after PC decisions in-game. Why not simply abide by the DM's decision?
*Expresses empathy for another user*
"HOW DARE YOU OPPRESS DMS!!!"
Yeah, okay, but DM's only know everything happening in the game world. They are not omniscient and may not fully understand what their players are going through. Certainly not if they refuse to listen, as you seem to prefer.
There is nothing wrong with asking your DM to bring your character back from the dead--and a competent, good DM will at least hear you out and either work with you to bring your character back or will explain why they do not believe it will benefit the story for the character to be brought back.
That said, Death should have meaning; it should have consequences. Maybe your character comes back... wrong. A bit of their soul is missing; something else returned from the Void inside you. Maybe you had to strike a bargain with a Death domain deity, and perhaps that deity's goals do not always line up with your character or party. Or perhaps something else entirety. When you talk with your DM, you should let your DM know you are not looking for a mulligan and that you want the mechanism for return to organically grow out of the story and which still imposes repercussions upon your character and party so the choices y'all made still have meaning.
Had we known the other player was quiting I would have made him choose life and rp his struggles with that. So that the party was only loosong the one pc after we leave the dungeon. This is where I'm struggling
This definitely sounds like a tough situation but it seems to me like you'd be happier in the long run sticking with the decision you made, and finding a new character concept that interests you. That's especially rough that you made the decision partly from Out of Character respect to another player who you didn't realize was quitting anyways, but then it sounds like your decision was also heavily based on your in-game RP for the character which should be the same whether that player stays or quits. So you can rest assured that you made the "correct" choice, and wound up with an emotionally powerful death that in hindsight will probably be way more memorable than just about any moment of the campaign.
Any time the session was intense enough for tears to start welling up, that's an awesome moment that you'll remember forever! I wouldn't advise trying to retcon that even if it's painful now in the short term
As a DM...communication with the DM is not only something that shouldn't ever be ruled out or punished, or even just encouraged but is vital. Yes, we should respect DM's decisions, but we also need to communicate with them. As a manager, I need people to listen and obey me...but to also to let me know when it seems like something isn't working for them so I can do something about it.
If you're not enjoying something the DM is doing, then you're doing them a disservice by not talking with them about it. I can't help a player if I feel like something has been resolved (or doesn't need resolving) when it hasn't. It's worth bearing in mind that it's not necessarily a negative reflection on me as a DM if there is something you don't like. A difference in taste is a thing. If you're not enjoying something and it's interfering with your ability to enjoy the game...give yourself time to see if it's just a reaction that'll pass, but if it doesn't, talk about it. That's what's healthy relationship looks like.
There are many different ways in the DM's toolbox to fix this. That's up to you and the DM to figure out between you what to use. But if something is bothering you, fix it. If the DM isn't willing to listen and to find a way around things (even if it's as simple as he mysteriously becomes resurrected), then... I'd probably find another table. This may not be an issue in and of itself to cause a divide...but every DM, regardless of game style, should be willing to help you have fun and resolve issues. This isn't a particularly hard concern to resolve, nor does it require skill at anything in particular.
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If you're not willing or able to to discuss in good faith, then don't be surprised if I don't respond, there are better things in life for me to do than humour you. This signature is that response.
Thank you to everyone one who responded and gave me advice. You all gave insightful advice and I really appreciate it. I decided to message my DM late last night, before work, and explain to him how I'm feeling/struggling and if I should take time off or see if we can work something out. He responded that he "ultimately believed I would take the week to make the decision and that he hasnt set things in stone yet." He is willing to work with me to write in a way for my pc to come back that makes sense in the world.
Thank you all again and I hope you all have a wonderful day
I'm glad that talking with your DM worked and that you're on the path to a mutually agreeable solution that keeps you happy. I hope you enjoy your campaign.
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Appolgies if this is the wrong place for this. By the title, y'all know the topic. I'm dealing with my first character's perma-death. My pc and another pc (who wasn't at session) died in the battle with the BBEG. We had one scroll of revify granted to our cleric on a 10% chance during the battle. At the the end, by flipping a coin, the other pc was brought back. I was okay with this as its what my pc would have wanted. The dm revealed that one of the rewards for killing the BBEG was a scroll of revify. He had put it as loot before the fight. I had the chance to bring them back but, due to homebrew rules, had a choice to make. I wanted to play the character more, but knew the character would be conflicted on returning. So I left it to chance and the dice said he chose death. I have regretted it since. The way everyone in session cried and said goodbye made me reject an offer to work a new tale for my pc to come back. Yet I can't get excited about making a new pc for the continuation of the game after. Is this normal to feel? Should I just make the new pc and hope to get over the 1st? Should I have taken my DMs offer? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
*note: I'm also struggling with this, cause the other player, who's pc died, told us the reason they refused to play the final battle because they're quiting and said their pc needs to remain dead. All this was revealed the day after session. DM is said he won't do that as we all made the in game choice to bring them back. Had we known that they were leaving before I would have found a way to have my character accept life but struggle with that choice after the fact.
It's normal to feel those feelings on some level. I can't speak to the magnitude, too many unstated details and variables, although I'd state that it's largely irrelevant - you feel what you feel, and that's valid.
I'm not a big fan of death by dice. It's where the roleplaying aspect and the game aspect of D&D (and many TTRPGs) collide. You get people on side with either aspect - some who like the thrill and danger of not knowing if your character is about to die, others want meaningful stories for their investment into their characters.
Personally, as a DM, I'd allow a retcon in that situation. I think a game is to be enjoyed and so I will endeavour to deliver a fun series of events. If you'd enjoy playing your character further (especially if you're considering not playing at all otherwise) then I'd let it happen. Your DM seems to be of the opinion that dice and playing character choices are the gods and so what they say, goes. Your DM is the one that matters, not me, at their table.
Try another character instead. Or just add "the Second" to his name and play his son or her daughter, who has had a similar background. There are a lot of fun character.possobikities.in D&D.
If you're not willing or able to to discuss in good faith, then don't be surprised if I don't respond, there are better things in life for me to do than humour you. This signature is that response.
It sucks, but you stayed true to how you view your character. As time moves on that'll be the part that resonates most. A good death.
As the DM I'd be down for a quest to bring the character back within the rules. There are many ways to get it done, so this could become a great story.
"He died well but deserved more. We shall appeal to the Gods for their mercy and endeavor to bring about his return."
Tale as old as time...
It took me a couple months to fully get over my first PC death. Like you, I also had the choice to be revived and declined. Although I knew my character definitely wanted it that way, it didn't make her loss any easier. I told the DM I needed some time before jumping into a new character - fortunately, so did almost everyone else because we TPK'd. We were too deep into the module to start with fresh characters and have it feel organic, and we agreed that the story should end with the ones we lost. So after a couple weeks of hiatus, we rolled up new characters and began a new campaign.
I'm sorry that the situation you went through also included a quitting player. That...feels icky to me. But you're still at the table and they are gone. If revival is still on the table, it could be fun to roleplay a character who feels conflicted about being brought back. That'd be some rich character arc potential. Alternatively, you could give yourself a session or two of space and see how you feel about starting fresh then. You might find that with a little time to grieve, you're ready to dive in with something new.
Also bear in mind that the DM can bring your character back at any time. If they're willing to do it now, they might be willing to do it later if you really aren't enjoying the new character you roll up. Maybe talk to them about how you're feeling and see what they say.
JustaFarmer:
1: Yes. The enemy attacked her and rolled a Crit with poison damage. Even if she succeeded a CON save she took enough damage for a insta-kill
2: Yes, whenever we miss a session the DM plays the pc to the best of his abilities to aid us in what we are doing. We were facing the BBEG to end the campaign and we tried to reschedule the session for the missing player. They were very insistent that we play without them and told the DM to play them. The DM had them helped us with spells and do damage to the BBEG.
3: No, the players all voted and had arguments for the cleric player, to help them decide who to revive. The cleric, who's god is the Goddess of Fate, decided to flip the coin to let his goddess determine who to revive.
4: Yes. My pc was saying his farewells to the void (he was a spirit), hoping that the party would hear. I watched at the DM and several other players mute themselves (playing via Discord) as they cried. When they responded to him rejecting death there was a lot of emotions in their voices. Its why I'm so hesitant to talk to my DM about brining him back. I feel doing so would be unaccepting of all their emotion's.
5: The player, the day after the session, kept pushing us to tell them what happened. We kept insisting they wait for the next session recap to learn what happened (a norm in our group). But they kept saying the had a "secret" to tell us. When they finally asked the DM, thats when they revealed they were quitting. They had been oddly distant and not as into the game the last few sessions so it all made sense when they finnally said "I'm quitting, my pc stays dead, goodbye"
I'm also a bit confused by this story. As I read it you had the chance to just ask for revival, but you chose to put it to a roll. Then later you were also given the offer to bring your character back another way, but again you chose not to.
This was not a die roll, this was your choice. And you made it at least twice. It's still appropriate to feel sad about it, but you made your choices for a reason. You need to either accept those reasons and feel good about them - after all, it sounds like you were trying to stay true to the character - or reevaluate those reasons and tell the DM you made a mistake. It sounds like pretty much everyone is willing to work with you to bring them back if that's what you truly want.
Missing a character when it's gone means you did it right. Happy emotions aren't the only important or meaningful ones - the ability to feel grief and loss through the game can be a great way to explore how to handle those emotions outside of "true" IRL catastrophe. It's one of the things that make D&D so powerful.
My homebrew subclasses (full list here)
(Artificer) Swordmage | Glasswright | (Barbarian) Path of the Savage Embrace
(Bard) College of Dance | (Fighter) Warlord | Cannoneer
(Monk) Way of the Elements | (Ranger) Blade Dancer
(Rogue) DaggerMaster | Inquisitor | (Sorcerer) Riftwalker | Spellfist
(Warlock) The Swarm
The first chance at revival we had two dead pcs and were only aware of one scroll of revify. The party deliberated and voted who should come back. The cleric flipped the coin and said his goddess determined it was fate for the other pc to come back. When we learned about the other revify scroll I was conflicted at the time if my pc would want to come back. He was a soldier and his battle siblings didnt get the opportunity. Yet he also knew there were plenty out there that still needed his protection. My go to is rolling a die to see how he would decide when I struggle. I said evens he would accept life and odds he would choose death. I rolled a 1 on a D4.
Had we known the other player was quiting I would have made him choose life and rp his struggles with that. So that the party was only loosong the one pc after we leave the dungeon. This is where I'm struggling
I misread your initial post, but with this information and given the situation with the other player it's worth at least mentioning to your DM.
I get DMs wanting to let things stand, and if that is what yours decides then so be it. But open communication is always a good thing, and first PC deaths are hard. It isn't dismissing of their emotions to ask to revive your character after they said goodbye to him; on the contrary, their reactions to the death reveal that you had quite a beloved PC. They might want him back too.
Talk to your DM about it. Then you at least won't regret having kept quiet.
First, I specifically said that if that is the DM's final decision, then it is what it is. But people change their minds all the time when new information presents itself, so assuming there is no room in a collaborative game for collaboration is imposing limits that don't necessarily exist in this situation. There's no harm in checking if it matters that much to OP, which it clearly does.
Second, what is of more importance to me is that the DM is aware of how their players are enjoying and reacting to the game. This is OP's first character death, which means the aftermath is new ground to cover. An invested DM would probably want insight into how the player is navigating this new ground, because that will affect their continued participation and enjoyment of the game. The DM will not know that OP is struggling with rolling up a new character unless that is communicated.
There are different ways and preferences in approaching character deaths, and not all are compatible at the same table. This is a valuable time for both the player and DM to identify what their respective preferences are and how they can work together. Neither of them needs to change, but just knowing what those expectations and desires are is helpful for the long term health of the campaign.
I'd agree with talking to the DM for sure, possibly even the whole group, if it so fits. To be clear, i would remind the DM that their decision is final and you'll abide whatever it is. With that in mind, present your feelings and thoughts on the situation being open to back and forth discussion. If the DM and you decide that bringing the character back is the best solution for the table as a whole, there are dozens of paths that could make that happen, it make sense and all fit in the campaign. Extra work for the DM, but if it were me as DM, I would gladly add a little extra effort to allow my players (note plural there, so ALL the players) to best enjoy the game.
I can use my own character as an example. He "died" early in the campaign. It wasn't a pointless death, it was the final huzzah of the sub boss we were fighting. I had already taken quite a few shots and the terrain prevented me from getting true cover from the effect, it was a BIG one, for our level and the resulting damage took me to 0 and the overdamage exceeded my base HP by 2. Dead dead. We used a scroll of Revivify to carry him back, a tool made available for us if we died and didn't want to or weren't ready. Then, I wanted it to happen, partly because I wanted him to live, but mostly because of WHO he was and HOW HE felt about his life, HE wanted to continue living, as he felt he had some larger destiny in store. Now, many levels farther, we are preparing to face another sub-boss, level appropriate (likely a little OP for us if patterns hold) but this time it is kind of my character's personal nemesis. If I die in this fight, and the little BBEG dies too, My character, I feel, wouldn't feel as strong a NEED to return to living. The point here is to consider the character's point of view and how they might feel about a possible return to life. Do they feel they have unfinished business or commitments? Was that fight, and the winning of that fight (by the others) the character's driving motivation and would they now like to move on, their objective complete, content that the task was done, even if at the cost of their life. These are big questions, I feel you should know the answers to before making a final decision on coming back or rolling a new character. If the only motivation for bringing them back is because you liked playing them, you may find you don't enjoy playing them as much after having fallen.
Being open about how major events in the campaign hit you is a good idea. If the DM knows certain things are going to cause some form of trauma, or crush the fun out of the campaign, they will be more aware of how to run different scenarios, working around things that cut deep and scraping only things that make us sad for a bit. This specific case sounds like it stung because of the unknown extra scroll complicating the issue. Had you guys looted before deciding to resurrect someone, you would have known there were 2 scrolls and none of this discussion would be taking place.
Talk to your Players. Talk to your DM. If more people used this advice, there would be 24.74% fewer threads on Tactics, Rules and DM discussions.
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In my opinion, only a serious ******* would leave a character dead if the player was losing the heart of the game.
Death happens. Noble sacrifice happens. These are key things, and should not be wasted -- so a return to life should be something that is equally important and noble.
Noble sacrifice is a whole thing for my players in my games because I have a whole deal about nobility of glory and the like in my head, so it is a pretty fancy way to go out in a blaze of glory.
I make folks work for resurrections, though. After all, that's why there is raise dead, resurrection, and reincarnation in the game. THey are all ways to intentionally, purposefully, and by design bring back dead characters -- and that's on top of the way that 5e is designed to make killing characters pretty darn hard to begin with.
THe emotions you feel are all real, all valid, and all very common. Even though everyone knew at the outset of the game and going into the final battle that most, if not all of the 30 some odd characters in the campaign would die, it still brought a lot of those feelings out at the end of the campaign, because they had all been played from 1st level up to 17 to 20 level over two years of sessions.
We were a weepy bunch the last few games, I'll tell ya.
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Grief is understandable when we lose something we care about. That is perfectly normal. I would sit with this a few days and see how you feel then once the wave of emotion has faded some. If you feel that you still want to play the character, I would talk to the DM about it. I would not retcon, because that would diminish the other player's experience, which seems to have been pretty powerful for them. Instead, I would see if the DM would be willing to find some other reason to bring the PC back to life. The DM is all-powerful. If you tell them how you feel even after some time has passed, I am sure they would be willing to find some way to work with you.
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Yes, it’s normal. After getting to know you character so well for so long it’s normal to grieve for them when they die. But just like when it comes to grieving for the loss of someone IRL, it will get better. Maybe you should take a little time off from playing before creating your new character. Continue to attend your regular games, but as an observer/audience member instead of as an active player. In time you’ll get inspired and excited about a new character. Grieve, and then enjoy the game again.
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Yeah, okay, but DM's only know everything happening in the game world. They are not omniscient and may not fully understand what their players are going through. Certainly not if they refuse to listen, as you seem to prefer.
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There is nothing wrong with asking your DM to bring your character back from the dead--and a competent, good DM will at least hear you out and either work with you to bring your character back or will explain why they do not believe it will benefit the story for the character to be brought back.
That said, Death should have meaning; it should have consequences. Maybe your character comes back... wrong. A bit of their soul is missing; something else returned from the Void inside you. Maybe you had to strike a bargain with a Death domain deity, and perhaps that deity's goals do not always line up with your character or party. Or perhaps something else entirety. When you talk with your DM, you should let your DM know you are not looking for a mulligan and that you want the mechanism for return to organically grow out of the story and which still imposes repercussions upon your character and party so the choices y'all made still have meaning.
This definitely sounds like a tough situation but it seems to me like you'd be happier in the long run sticking with the decision you made, and finding a new character concept that interests you. That's especially rough that you made the decision partly from Out of Character respect to another player who you didn't realize was quitting anyways, but then it sounds like your decision was also heavily based on your in-game RP for the character which should be the same whether that player stays or quits. So you can rest assured that you made the "correct" choice, and wound up with an emotionally powerful death that in hindsight will probably be way more memorable than just about any moment of the campaign.
Any time the session was intense enough for tears to start welling up, that's an awesome moment that you'll remember forever! I wouldn't advise trying to retcon that even if it's painful now in the short term
As a DM...communication with the DM is not only something that shouldn't ever be ruled out or punished, or even just encouraged but is vital. Yes, we should respect DM's decisions, but we also need to communicate with them. As a manager, I need people to listen and obey me...but to also to let me know when it seems like something isn't working for them so I can do something about it.
If you're not enjoying something the DM is doing, then you're doing them a disservice by not talking with them about it. I can't help a player if I feel like something has been resolved (or doesn't need resolving) when it hasn't. It's worth bearing in mind that it's not necessarily a negative reflection on me as a DM if there is something you don't like. A difference in taste is a thing. If you're not enjoying something and it's interfering with your ability to enjoy the game...give yourself time to see if it's just a reaction that'll pass, but if it doesn't, talk about it. That's what's healthy relationship looks like.
There are many different ways in the DM's toolbox to fix this. That's up to you and the DM to figure out between you what to use. But if something is bothering you, fix it. If the DM isn't willing to listen and to find a way around things (even if it's as simple as he mysteriously becomes resurrected), then... I'd probably find another table. This may not be an issue in and of itself to cause a divide...but every DM, regardless of game style, should be willing to help you have fun and resolve issues. This isn't a particularly hard concern to resolve, nor does it require skill at anything in particular.
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Thank you to everyone one who responded and gave me advice. You all gave insightful advice and I really appreciate it. I decided to message my DM late last night, before work, and explain to him how I'm feeling/struggling and if I should take time off or see if we can work something out. He responded that he "ultimately believed I would take the week to make the decision and that he hasnt set things in stone yet." He is willing to work with me to write in a way for my pc to come back that makes sense in the world.
Thank you all again and I hope you all have a wonderful day
I'm glad that talking with your DM worked and that you're on the path to a mutually agreeable solution that keeps you happy. I hope you enjoy your campaign.
If you're not willing or able to to discuss in good faith, then don't be surprised if I don't respond, there are better things in life for me to do than humour you. This signature is that response.